performance is an A-plus, mental is an F. It's a phrase we've all heard before, like workplace advice, and it's why so many of us put on the mask of pretending we know what we're doing, of pretending we're okay when we're struggling, especially if we're high performers who are told we're good at our jobs. We don't want to disappoint those around us, so we hide our struggles and keep going.

in psychology, this condition is called High-Functioning Anxiety (HFA), a condition in which a person appears confident and competent on the surface, but underneath the surface, they're constantly stomping their feet like a swan, trembling in fear of failure. And it warns that if this anxiety continues, it can destroy a sustainable work life for high performers.

the problem is that burnout doesn't just affect individuals, it also affects organizational performance. organizational behavior experts say that organizational performance actually improves when people reveal their vulnerabilities, because knowing each other's weaknesses allows them to play cover for each other's shortcomings. So what does it take to get people to drop the masks and play nice?

is your seemingly perfect self actually high-functioning anxiety?

workers with high-functioning anxiety are often a treasure to organizations. they're deadline-driven, detail-oriented, always on the go, and achievement-oriented. Their coworkers look at them and envy them for always having so much energy and taking care of themselves.

but inside, their inner world is a war zone: their outward diligence is often actually fueled by a fear of failure - a compulsion that if they take a moment to rest, they'll be out of a job, a fear that if I make a mistake, all their reputation will come crashing down. they can't stop thinking (ruminating) about their work even after they leave the office, and suffer from insomnia or unexplained physical pain, leading to high performer burnout.

harvard Business School's solution: the ring of vulnerability

so how do you unmask this insecurity and create a strong team with a sense of psychological safety? jeff Polzer, an organizational behavior expert at Harvard Business School, suggests creating a vulnerability loop.

a vulnerability loop is when A signals to B that he or she is vulnerable, and B responds with a signal that he or she is vulnerable, creating an unspoken agreement to share vulnerability.

it's like the brain sends signals back and forth, and someone is the first to say, "I'm sorry, I missed this. the moment you say, "I need help," the other person's brain relaxes. you're getting a signal that says, oh, it's safe to be imperfect here, and the other person responds by saying, actually, that's something I've been struggling with too. in this moment, a solid circle of trust is formed between the two of you.

related: The real reason teams with a high sense of psychological safety outperform

how to be honest without looking incompetent

many people worry. won't showing vulnerability make me look really incompetent? You're right. if you blindly say, "Oh, I don't know, it's too hard," you can look irresponsible. what's important here is the art of showing vulnerability without looking incompetent.

the key is to combine your current difficulty (vulnerability) with your willingness to address it (competence).

here's an example bad example: this project is too hard for me, I can't do it (comes across as incompetent) Good example: the technical part of this project is new to me because I don't have enough experience. but I've been learning the material since last week, and I'd love to get your advice. (Shows willingness to grow and builds trust)

when you admit your shortcomings like this, but also share what you're doing to make up for them, your coworkers will see your vulnerability as responsible courage, not weakness.

why leaders should take the initiative

how do we create a circle of vulnerability? it starts with the leader. we often think of leaders as perfect and strong, but leadership experts say that people trust leaders who admit their vulnerabilities more.

why? because they already know that you're human, and you're not perfect. But if you pretend that you don't make mistakes, struggle, or have problems all the time, they'll wonder how genuine you are.

the leader should be the first to say, "I missed that part of the meeting last time. apologize, say I'm sorry, or ask for help, say I need your input because this is an area I don't know much about, and thank the member for their help.

that way, they know I'm being helpful to my leader. they trust me to share their struggles, and I feel like it's okay to be honest with them. as this awareness builds, members who might otherwise hide their vulnerabilities slowly unlock.

the bottom line

a strong team is not a team without weaknesses - in fact, such a team doesn't exist in the first place. A truly strong team is one that doesn't need to hide its weaknesses. What it needs is a sense of psychological safety - a belief that no one will judge each other for their shortcomings.

are you hiding behind a mask of high-functioning anxiety and suffering alone, or are you wondering if your teammates are smiling on the outside but struggling on the inside? today, share the smallest vulnerability, and it will be the strongest link between you and your team.

right now, is your team held together by a ring of vulnerability?

tell us about your experiences in the comments. Have you ever had a time when being honest about your struggles within your team actually paid off? or have you had the opposite experience? let's talk and build a healthier organizational culture together.

FAQs

Q1. Is high-functioning anxiety (HFA) a disease? A1. High-functioning anxiety is not an official medical diagnosis (DSM-5), but it's a widely used term to describe a psychological condition that many high performers experience. If you're functioning well on the outside, but your internal anxiety and obsessions are so severe that they're interfering with your daily life, you may benefit from professional counseling.

Q2. Will showing weakness to my team members undermine my leadership? A: No. Honesty in addressing issues, rather than unconditional condescension, builds trust. many studies have shown that leaders who admit their mistakes and seek help from team members provide a greater sense of psychological safety than leaders who pretend to be perfect. This is a great way to practice building team trust.

Q3. I want to create a circle of vulnerability, but the team atmosphere is too rigid. A3. It doesn't have to be a big confession. start with something small. it can be as simple as sharing something like, I'm feeling a little under the weather today, so I may have missed something, please take a closer look. small signals add up to seeds of culture improvement.

Q4. What's the difference between showing vulnerability and complaining? A4. Complaining is more of an emotional outlet, blaming the situation or others, whereas healthy vulnerability sharing is a constructive act of letting people know how you are doing and seeking help or collaboration. the difference is that the purpose is to connect and solve.

Q5. How can I help a coworker who seems to have high-functioning anxiety? A5. Rather than just praising the person's performance, recognize the effort and struggle in the process. offering a safe place to lean can go a long way, such as asking, "I see you've been very busy lately, is there anything I can do to help?